VALERIE BERTINELLI On Her Relationship With EDDIE VAN HALEN: 'Near The End Of His Life, I Could Be Much More Compassionate'

During an appearance on The Bossticks show, hosted by Lauryn Bosstick and Michael Bosstick, the entrepreneurial duo behind The Skinny Confidential and Dear Media, Eddie Van Halen's ex-wife Valerie Bertinelli spoke about her relationship with the late guitarist, with whom she shares a son, 35-year-old Wolfgang Van Halen. She said (as transcribed by BLABBERMOUTH.NET): "I met [Ed] when I was 20. And he was 25. We grew up together. We got married far too young, but I don't know how else we would've done it. Our lives were insane. We waited 10 years to have Wolfie. We went through a lot in those 10 years — basically the '80s, which I don't remember too much of, between the drugs and the alcohol. It was fun. You know what? I'm not gonna lie, it was a lot of fun. But I would not do it again. I've done it. I don't need to do it anymore."

Asked by Michael what it was like trying to manage a relationship in the '80s, with Ed and Valerie both having high profiles at the time, and stay connected to each other and not just have the relationship go off the rails, Valerie said: "Oh, it went off the rails all the time. We were both doing drugs. We were both drinking far too much. And then I stopped drinking and doing drugs. I stopped doing drugs; I was still drinking. And he kept doing the drugs. And I was, like, 'You gotta go to rehab.' And it's just, like, who am I to… whatever. But neither one of us dealt with any of our traumas that we were much closer to then. And he went through a very traumatic childhood. So, as long as we're not dealing with those, we're gonna use drugs and alcohol, and for me it was also food, to numb any feelings we just didn't feel like feeling, 'cause we didn't wanna hear the information, 'cause it was too painful. So now that I know all this, I feel like, and near the end of his life, I could be much more compassionate. Because first of all, I love him dearly. And this is to not say anything against his second wife or my second husband. I just love the father of my son that I knew since I was 20. I knew that we would never be intimate again, even had he lived, but he would always be one of my dearest friends, 'cause he's just — he was Ed. He was just a huge part of my life… And I would much rather feel this way about Wolfie's father than I would hating him… I mean, we've gone through some tough spots — a lot of tough [spots]. The three of us went to therapy together for at least a year, so Wolfie could get heard. And this was a little bit after our divorce, and I think it was helpful — I hope."

Valerie wrote in one of the intimate essays in her "Indulge" cookbook that "though we got divorced, Ed and I never stopped loving each other. Who knows, if not for cancer, we might have had a second wind," but "I'm pretty sure that is wistful thinking." She later clarified to USA Today that "wistful is a very different word than wishful. It was a wistful fantasy that I knew would never be true. The love that Ed and I shared − and we did come to a very wonderful place at the end of his life − was our unconditional love for our son [Wolfgang Van Halen]. My son was losing his father, I was in a relationship that was terribly wrong for me, and I was holding on to some sort of lifeline because of the years I had with Ed. I was madly in love with him when I met him, but our love changed. He felt like a big brother to me that I just wanted the best for by the time he got very sick. All I wanted to do was make it okay for Ed, make it okay for Wolfie.

"You fantasize and romanticize what you know really never could be."

In 2022, Valerie reflected on the special connection she had with her late ex-husband, telling the "A Spoonful Of Paolo" online talk show: "Ed and I had our relationship — ups and downs. We treated each other badly; we treated each other wonderfully. It was a very full 40 years. And we have an amazing son that we both adored. I still adore him, and I know that Ed still does too. I get to be here for both of us, to support Wolfie."

Regarding Wolfgang's nomination for a Grammy Award for his band MAMMOTH WVH's song "Distance", Valerie said: "When he was nominated, it was just so hard because I really wanted to talk to Ed, because I know how proud… If anybody was prouder of Wolfie than me, then it was gonna be Ed. We were in competition for who could be more proud."

Valerie also talked about how she got goosebumps feeling Eddie's presence one morning in a flock of birds outside her home.

"I still don't think that I've seen signs from my mom or my dad, but maybe I have and I didn't realize it or I wasn't keeping an eye out for it," she said. "But I think the signs are always there and we don't even realize it.

"Yeah, that flock of birds kind of freaked me out," she continued. "Because when I made the little pact with Ed about we're gonna see two birds, or was it three? Then I forgot. Was it two? Or was it three? When I said, 'Screw it. Then send a whole flock of birds.' And literally a whole flock of birds just went right before my eyes. [I was, like,] 'Okay, okay. I get it. You're here.' And then the dreams that happened. It's kind of amazing.

"I do feel his presence, and then I don't," Bertinelli added. "So I'm hoping that he's in a place where he's being able to go over his magical life that he had and not beat himself up so much, and think of all the good things that he did, and not be in pain any longer — physical or emotional — because he was in a lot of emotional pain."

Bertinelli split with Van Halen in 2002 after 21 years of marriage. They officially divorced in 2007. Eddie then went on to marry Janie Liszewski in 2009, while Valerie also remarried, tying the knot with Tom Vitale in 2011. Valerie told People magazine that both marriages were struggling before Eddie's death. She eventually filed for separation from Vitale in November 2021.

In her previous book, "Enough Already: Learning To Love The Way I Am Today", Valerie wrote about saying goodbye to Eddie when the legendary guitarist died from cancer. She and Wolfgang were by his side in his final moments.

"I love you are the last words Ed says to Wolfie and me and they are the last words we say to him before he stops breathing," Bertinelli wrote.

Eddie died in October 2020 at the age of 65. The legendary VAN HALEN guitarist passed away at St. John's Hospital in Santa Monica, California.

Eddie was diagnosed with mouth cancer in 2000 and had tongue surgery. He later battled lung cancer and had been receiving radiation treatment in Germany. Things took a turn for the worse in early 2019 when Eddie got in a motorcycle accident. He was subsequently diagnosed with a brain tumor, and received gamma knife radiosurgery to treat the illness.